As I start this writing thought, honestly, my whole being has thrown into different directions. I am lamenting, I am inspired, I am worried, I am motivated. But most of all I am so glad I am living right now.
Today is the 33rd wedding anniversary of my parents. Going strong, right? And this morning, as I was washing the dishes I counted the months backwards from my birth month to the month I was really made and discovered I started to breathe life a month before my parents got married. And it made me grin thinking my existence strengthen the resolve of my father to marry my mother despite the fact the family of my father was quite against of the marriage. Well, my father is the breadwinner of his family so it understandable, right? And I guess it’s pretty okay I began existing in the time when my father was starting to take the full responsibility in their household and that there is no turning back on them. So, did my existence saved my father from pitiful responsibility?
On the other hand, my mother and her family is complete the 360 degrees of what my father’s has. They were all full of laughter, they are so close to God. Most of my aunts and uncles, including my mother, were member of choir as guitarist. They are a family but they always treat each other as best of their friends they can joke and fool around. Then suddenly I would think, given to my current not-so-good situation, if I brought a lot of sadness in my mother’s happy heart?
I don’t know the answers to all those questions and I know only my parents can answer that. But as I am who can’t tell my real feelings, I have to continue in guessing if I’m a good daughter to them or not.
I believe I have written in my earlier post that my parents were not okay with me being a writer. They’re expecting me working in an office or in a field. But I go against their expectations and dreamed to be a published writer. Being a writer is an art just like painting, sculpting, piano or violin playing. It takes a lot of courage and resolve to make a first step, and jumped off the cliff in order to experience and see what it looks like to be in the sky while looking down to the ground. Of course, when we jumped off the cliff we will fall. But after falling, standing up and climbing back again is the only way to reach the very top of the mountain.
Am I making any sense to the person reading this? Or does it matter if I am making sense to you or not? I think what matters most is me. My existence, my craft, my own path I want to take, my own mountain I wanted to conquer. Like my profile introduction in my second Facebook account, “Watch and see what will I become.”
So, what will I become?
I will become a person who wanted to reach the mountain peak, look down on earth and pull some other people up and make them experience what I discovered at the top. But in order to do that I have to climb first. And guess what. I am stupid to climb the Mt. Everest of my life without proper equipment aside from my desire and passion to my make my dream come true. Because of that I always thrown down by avalanche, covered in thick snow. I even reached the bottom when I fall to cliffs. But, hey, I’m still alive. Still driven to reach the top, draw the scenery with words, colored them with adjectives and other figure of speech, put some melody in rhyming and framed them finally in a gallery of other people’s heart.
Maybe I love attention and hates to be ordinary. But that’s just because I know I can do something great. I know I can even I’m so unsure about myself most of time.
Yet, I’m still glad I’m alive. I’m glad to hear the song that is currently playing on my laptop as I wrote this. I’m glad that my dog is quiet in the corner. I’m glad to be alone. I’m glad to feel the wind entering our home. I’m glad to see the beautiful rays of the afternoon sun. I’m glad my parent’s were out to celebrate their anniversary. I’m glad for my niece and nephew for making me feel how to be a mother. I’m glad for my two brothers who is very reliable. I’m glad for my sister living with her family. I’m glad to be glad today. And feeling glad means I am blessed right now.
Am I good person? I don’t know. But the people who knows me can tell if I am or not.
This writing is part of my journey in getting my dream, waiting at the top of my own Mt. Everest. Feeling glad or thankful is always part of any other’s journey.
Thank You, God. ^^
P.S. I am lamenting because one of the main character in an anime I just watch died. I wanted to change it’s ending!!!!
P.S.#2 Sorry? For random blog post?
P.S#3 I’ll make another page for my new poem. Real, quick. I’m sure you won’t check it out.
P.S#4 This blog post topic is supposed to be my one project at a time theme but wrote anything that I want.
P.S.#5 This is my last P.S. PROMISE!!!!!! =^o^=
P.S.#6 I just want to make it longer for once in a while.
P.S.#8 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .